Posts Tagged ‘field trips



Got Maryland-Virginia Tech tickets.   November 14 baby — could be a big one.  Only eleven million dollars apiece!


“We eat kids,” huh? We’ll just see about this.

Perhaps you saw it on the D.C. Sports Bog yesterday. Or, perhaps you caught it on Rome is Burning or PTI. In any event, you may be aware by now that the Maryland women’s basketball team has a little motivational slogan for themselves this year. But not just any slogan. A very special slogan. It’s like Ubuntu, except not. Inspired by the ramblings of Mike Tyson (and who isn’t), the Lady Terps created the motto: “We Eat Kids.”

Some people have reacted rather “voraciously” to this revelation, and you know what? I don’t blame them. After all, do the Lady Terps really espouse this behavior?  How can we know?

I’ll tell you how. Because I recently sat down to dinner with them. Guess what was on the menu.

We started out with some basic small talk — you know, their great season, their championship prospects, the weather, Obama, recently released films that we had enjoyed.  Chips and salsa were available to whet our appetites.  Those of us of legal age partook in a delightful “adult beverage” or two.  But before too long, we were ready for the main course. Now I admit it; I was something of a babe in the woods (sorry) on this thing. I must have missed the “Kids” episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, so I didn’t know quite what to expect. What’s the proper etiquette here? What parts are good to eat?  But never fear. The ladies were with me every step of the way.

Now before I go any further, I just want to make one thing clear to all you letter writers out there. Our chef (can’t remember now where he said he trained) informed me that these kids were terminated in as humane a way as possible. And I can attest to that.  When the kids came out, they wore peaceful, almost angelic expressions on their faces.  As a new father, that gave me a lot of comfort.

You don’t actually eat the head, though. It’s just for presentation. They removed it before the carving.

I ended up with a thigh. Let’s give it a go, huh? Down the hatch, right? Nothing ventured nothing gained, no? You never know until you try, know what I mean?  Are you with me?

The meat had a tender, almost buttery texture. Not too bad! Think veal, except more, I don’t know, human-y. The Lady Terps hungrily tucked in to their big team meal. They sure can pack the kids away! The chef was going to go back to the school for more, but everyone decided against it for some reason. I didn’t really follow the explanation. What am I, a lawyer?

You know what else I had while I was there? Roasted tomatillos.  Fantastic!

So please. Everyone out there can just rest easy. Because the Lady Terps? They walk the walk. I found that “We Eat Kids” is not only a motto for these women. It’s a credo. My guess is they’ll be looking pretty well-fortified this Saturday when they take on Vanderbilt in the Sweet 16! Three cheers, ladies! And thanks again for dinner.


It’s a Shell Games field trip!

This Saturday’s tilt against Florida State will be HUGE for the Terps.  A win puts them in the driver’s seat of their division. And if Wake also beats BC on Saturday, we’re in the ACC championship.

So yeah, lots riding on this. And what makes it even more exciting is that the Shell Games staff — all two of us — will be in attendance.  Tickets are purchased, spousal permission forms are signed, cameras and hip flasks are charged up, lunch money is taped to our jacket linings. 

To make Byrd Stadium extra intimidating (I guess), they’re encouraging fans to wear black:

This kind of works out for me, as I was planning to wear black anyway — with a predicted high of only 39 degrees, I’ll need it in order to absorb the sun’s precious rays.  On the other hand, I’m getting tired of these contrived stadium gimmicks.  Let’s all wear a certain color! Does it matter whether it’s the actual team color?  Shut up! Hey, let’s all wave dish towels over our heads!  Everyone bang thunder sticks!  Everyone learn the macarena! Everyone bring one red carnation wrapped in a banana leaf!  Everyone wear adult diapers! It’s like the Terp marketing team comes up with new gimmicks, campaigns, and jersey designs just so they have something to talk about at their weekly staff meetings.  But it’s a larger issue, too.  Every crowd is the same now.  Same gimmicks, same jumbotron, same cheers, same songs.  Everyone jingles their keys on third down, everyone hops around when their hoops team is on a run.  Et cetera.   Some times certain sports leagues are accused of being “copycat.”  I guess that now goes for many fan bases, too. Or at least PR staffs.  Hey, you guys want an intimidating environment for the other team?  Sell beer.

Anyway, it looks like tickets are still available for the game.  How is this not sold out?  I feel like there are a lot of Maryland fans out there who get up for the Duke game at Comcast Center and nothing else.  We’ve got a conference championship in the balance here!

I’m sure it will be rockin once kickoff rolls around, especially since it’s at 7:45. Someone’s going to break the campus police’s BAC record.  Let’s just hope it’s not me.  And let’s hope Terphed has some black he can wear so university marketing security doesn’t find him and extract him at the turnstiles.


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September 2020