Ah, come on in, son. Sit on down here a minute. Can I get you anything? All right. Look, I wanted to tell you something. In this life, you win some, and you lose some. Know what I mean? It’s not how we face success that matters, but how we face adversity. Winning isn’t everything in life. There are plenty of fish in the ocean. Understand? A stitch in time? Well, you know what they say. It saves nine. Forewarned is forearmed. You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em. A penny saved is a penny earned. The future is not set; there is no fate but what we make for ourselves.
What I’m driving at here, son, is that you’re cut. You are cut from this football team. Bet you wished you’d finished up that communications degree, eh? Looks like you’ll be retrofitting bathrooms for assisted living facilities in no time flat. I’m sure that’s fine work. If you haven’t cleared out your locker in 20 minutes, we’re legally authorized to shoot paint balls at you. Only the balls aren’t filled with paint. They’re filled with the powdered form of a low-grade nerve toxin. So go on, son. Git. Git your stuff. I’m sorry this had to happen. You played your tail off. Just think of this as the end of a dream. Does that help? I’m not much for speeches. Just try not to commit suicide while you’re still on team premises. That’s messy work, both legally and janitorially. I know you don’t want to put our general counsel, Phil, through that. Not to mention our head custodian, who is also named Phil. Okay, then.
A lot of would-be NFL rookies heard this same, exact speech — or surely a very, very similar version — last Saturday, when all teams trimmed their rosters to 53. How did the former Terps fare who were on the roster bubble? Let’s take a gander:
- Edwin Williams, C/G: Made Redskins roster as a backup O-lineman, mainly because of his ability to play guard as well as center. Edwin is a lifelong Skins fan, which probably means he is about to be sued. Current starting center Casey Rabach among league leaders in suckitude. Stay tuned.
- Dan Gronkowski, TE: Slight disappointment here. Tight end drafted in seventh round by the defending 0-16 Lions impressed in preseason, and was signed to Detroit’s practice squad. Okay, Dan. I heard the Viking tight ends run something called a “screen” route. Think you could help us re-create that this week?
- Moise Fokou, LB: The former Maryland walk-on had a monster camp with the Eagles, recording 24 tackles in three preseason games. He’ll back up Chris Gocong this season at strongside linebacker. Great story and huge ups for Fokou, whose jersey could be a hot seller among Philly fans, long noted for their sophisticated, family-friendly sense of humor.
- Jamie Thomas, OT: Made Colts practice squad.
- Jeremy Navarre, DE: Made Jaguars practice squad.
- Chase Bullock, LB: Released by the Cardinals. I’ll admit it — I’ve never heard of Chase Bullock. But he went to Maryland (apparently he was injured a lot).
- Dave Philistin, LB: Waived by Seattle.
- Scott Burley, OT: Waived by Redskins.
- Dane Randolph, DT: The subject of an interesting miniseries in the Post about life as an unsigned NFL rookie seemed to be at least mildly impressive at camp, but unfortunately didn’t make the regular or practice squad roster.
- Trey Covington, LB: Invited to Jets camp, apparently didn’t survive very long.
- Isaiah Williams, WR: See above, replace Jets with Ravens
- Dean Muhtadi, DE: See above, replace Ravens with Packers
We kid, but seriously, congratulations to all of them for just getting a shot, which makes them athletically superior to about 98 percent of the population. Good luck to all of them moving forward. They’re all Terps for life, and will always have that going for them.
(Photo credit: Clem Murray, Philadelphia Daily News)