06
Sep
09

shawne merriman hits tequilla, finds himself behind bars

Tila Tequilla in one word, "classy".

Tila Tequilla in one word, "classy".

I like to think you learn something new every day.  I learned a couple things this afternoon.  First, I learned that Terrapin alum and star linebacker Shawne Merriman was dating the “star” of reality show “A Shot at Love With Tila Tequilla”.  That, in and of itself, made me laugh, and then turn my thoughts to bigger questions regarding the meaning of life.

Second, I learned how you mix Shawne Merriman with Tila Tequilla – shaken, not stirred. <rim shot>  OK, I’m backtracking already, there is nothing funny about domestic abuse, and I hereby formally disclaim any and all responsibility for that comment.  That was tasteless.  I apologize to our readers, Tila Tequilla, and her friends, family, and countrymen.

Shawne Merriman in one word, "collected".

Shawne Merriman in one word, "collected".

Anyway, their relationship ended today as Merriman choked Tequilla during a domestic dispute and was taken into custody at 3:45AM.  I, for one, am astonished that this match made in California ended in such a volatile manner.  Anyone that knows these two people will tell you they are both the picture of stability, and role models in their community.  In fairness to Merriman, it was a fair fight.  Shawne is 6’4″, 265 lbs of synthetic muscle, and Tequilla is, well she’s wiry.  Merriman had just started recovering his reputation from steroid scandal and now this.  Way to make us proud Shawne!  Jerk.

As I ponder the meaning of life I’m led to believe that love died today, and there will be no second shot at it.


7 Responses to “shawne merriman hits tequilla, finds himself behind bars”


  1. September 6, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    Tila Tequila Merriman — it had such a nice ring to it. Alas.

  2. September 6, 2009 at 6:51 pm

    They would have made some stunning babies. By stunning I mean berzerk.

  3. September 7, 2009 at 9:29 am

    Update: According to Merriman, Tila Tequila was hammered when this happened — I know, very strange. He’s saying that all he did was prevent her from driving and make her wait until other transportation was available, and he’s confident all charges will be dropped. For his own sake, I hope that’s correct. If the accusations are indeed overblown, I must say that I expected a lot more out of a woman named Tila Tequila who became famous for having a lot of Myspace friends.

  4. September 7, 2009 at 11:44 am

    The incident has shaken my faith in humanity. I can’t blog about this anymore.

  5. September 7, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Tila was probably drunk and things got out of control.

  6. September 8, 2009 at 10:20 am

    They were seen together at the club for last call, so one might assume that things may have gotten out of control on both sides.


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