R.I.P., “Fear the Turtle”


So “Fear the Turtle” is kaput as the official university slogan. And I completely understand. Why not scrap a fun and innovative slogan that everyone associates with your university? You Google it and the first nine links are to Maryland stuff, including a Fear The Turtle sculpture project. Imagine the crestfallen looks on all those little sculptors’ faces. Unacceptable. Did no one think of the sculptors? Where are our elected “leaders” when you need them? We need to remove the veil from our eyes here, unless we want to saddle our young people with a wasteland of moldering kilns and traditional botanical gardens. A dark picture.

In any case, here’s a little help for whomever has that itchy trigger finger in the university marketing office. Yes, it’s the obligatory “blogger makes wacky alternate suggestions” post.

— Maryland is for Faggots
— The Jewel of Prince George’s County
— Terperus: The 13th Labor
— Where We Remain Satisfied With Our Recruiting Efforts, Thanks
— Presented by Under Armour
— One Person. Two Tuitions.
— Winning the Race (my “real” suggestion)
— Hey. You Like Lacrosse?
— Where Passion Burns Like So Many Secondhand Couches
— Our Coaches Will Whoop Your Coaches In a Pie-Eating Contest
— Maryland. Because Fu*k Duke, That’s Why.
— Me Like Beer


7 Responses to “R.I.P., “Fear the Turtle””

  1. 1 rdclutch
    July 28, 2009 at 10:27 am

    Really? Damn it. I was so close to actually fearing the turtle. I mean we’ve dominated the ACC in both basketball and football for 12 years straight right? We must have like 4 NCAA national titles by now? Oh wait, you only really fear the turtle in women’s basketball and field hockey?

    It was great slogan nevertheless.

  2. 2 J
    July 28, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    Gay. Why would anyone strive to be more like UVA? If the school’s goal is to attract more erudite lame asses, then I suggest as a replacement: “Develop an acute case of chelonaphobia.”

  3. 3 Aaron
    July 29, 2009 at 1:34 pm

    How about:

    University of Maryland: At least our state flag looks cool.

    Or possibly.

    University of Maryland: Halfway between Santa Fe and Danny’s.

  4. August 28, 2009 at 12:00 pm

    I had a couple:

    Maryland: Try not to get shot.
    Maryland: Some of our buildings are newish.
    Maryland: You’re guarenteed one snow day.
    Maryland: Good luck with housing.
    Maryland: We’ve got a metro stop.

  5. April 17, 2013 at 8:44 pm

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  6. July 25, 2013 at 1:33 pm

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    I’ve virtually no expertise in computer programming but I had been hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyway, if you have any ideas or techniques for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic but I just wanted to ask. Appreciate it!

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