New Byrd luxury suites: Hope you like laminate particle board!


Hey, great news! Perfectly timed with the current economic boom, the University of Maryland wants to give YOU a preview of the 64 new Byrd Stadium luxury suites set to open this season. Are you excited to take advantage of this exciting opportunity? I’ve got both my hands in the air.

Suites start at $275 “per guest per game.” What do you get for this money? Well, sir, according to the release, these suites provide you with “all the comforts of home.” Just take a look at that photo up there, eh? Take yourself a gander. Have you ever seen more homely homey digs? I know I haven’t. Each suite’s got, like, cabinets and shit. I think I see a sink. In addition, do I spy some papers on the counter there? For a small upcharge, they’ll scatter those papers on the floor for you. Now we’re talking homestyle. But wait, there’s more! Each suite also comes with in-seat food service. I hope that means they’ll bring me some of those famous dining hall/Comcast Center hamburgers that taste like toilet miasma. Here’s hoping. I could intensify the dining experience by taking the hamburger into my own private restroom area. Private restroom areas? Hell yeah, fool. Boom.

To be fair, $275 per person doesn’t seem like a terrible price for a luxury suite (Nats, Verizon, and FedEx don’t even post their prices online). But judging by that photo, and harkening back to my days on campus, it seems that the university isn’t overly interested in providing a whole lot of, shall we say, bells and whistles. Charging you for them, yes. Providing them for you, no. The release even says that the seats are “vital to the growth of the Maryland football program.” Oh, okay. So buy them because you want to help the team…not because they’re actually, you know, worth the cost. Duly noted. But I think I’ll stick with my nosebleeds, thank you so much.

(Photo credit: UMTerps.com)


3 Responses to “New Byrd luxury suites: Hope you like laminate particle board!”

  1. June 18, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    It’ll be interesting to see how the suites turn out. We have an article in The Diamondback today on the topic: http://media.www.diamondbackonline.com/media/storage/paper873/news/2009/06/18/News/Sales.Sluggish.In.Byrd.Renovations-3748231.shtml

  2. June 22, 2009 at 10:49 am

    Interesting story Aaron, although perhaps, uh, not so surprising…thanks for passing it along.

  3. June 25, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    I charge them with YELLOW JOURNALISM and SLANDER! Everyone knows that football, basketball, and field hockey are sold out forever. The only way to get into this exclusive club is to buy all three season ticket packages plus donate your retirement fund to build a new statue of RJ Bently on campus.

    I’m not worried about Byrd selling out, because that was never really going to happen. I am worried about Comcast Center. There were many open seats at the games I went to last year, and those games were in conference. We will be in serious long term doo doo if we lose our homecourt advantage in basketball because the school has priced people out of season tickets. They need to change their policy to remove the restrictions on having to own football seats in order to get the basketball season tickets, and get rid of this silly Terps Points garbage. That kind of stuff only works when the economy is doing well and we’re in the Sweet 16 every year.

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