Perhaps you saw it on the D.C. Sports Bog yesterday. Or, perhaps you caught it on Rome is Burning or PTI. In any event, you may be aware by now that the Maryland women’s basketball team has a little motivational slogan for themselves this year. But not just any slogan. A very special slogan. It’s like Ubuntu, except not. Inspired by the ramblings of Mike Tyson (and who isn’t), the Lady Terps created the motto: “We Eat Kids.”
Some people have reacted rather “voraciously” to this revelation, and you know what? I don’t blame them. After all, do the Lady Terps really espouse this behavior? How can we know?
I’ll tell you how. Because I recently sat down to dinner with them. Guess what was on the menu.
We started out with some basic small talk — you know, their great season, their championship prospects, the weather, Obama, recently released films that we had enjoyed. Chips and salsa were available to whet our appetites. Those of us of legal age partook in a delightful “adult beverage” or two. But before too long, we were ready for the main course. Now I admit it; I was something of a babe in the woods (sorry) on this thing. I must have missed the “Kids” episode of Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern, so I didn’t know quite what to expect. What’s the proper etiquette here? What parts are good to eat? But never fear. The ladies were with me every step of the way.
Now before I go any further, I just want to make one thing clear to all you letter writers out there. Our chef (can’t remember now where he said he trained) informed me that these kids were terminated in as humane a way as possible. And I can attest to that. When the kids came out, they wore peaceful, almost angelic expressions on their faces. As a new father, that gave me a lot of comfort.
You don’t actually eat the head, though. It’s just for presentation. They removed it before the carving.
I ended up with a thigh. Let’s give it a go, huh? Down the hatch, right? Nothing ventured nothing gained, no? You never know until you try, know what I mean? Are you with me?
The meat had a tender, almost buttery texture. Not too bad! Think veal, except more, I don’t know, human-y. The Lady Terps hungrily tucked in to their big team meal. They sure can pack the kids away! The chef was going to go back to the school for more, but everyone decided against it for some reason. I didn’t really follow the explanation. What am I, a lawyer?
You know what else I had while I was there? Roasted tomatillos. Fantastic!
So please. Everyone out there can just rest easy. Because the Lady Terps? They walk the walk. I found that “We Eat Kids” is not only a motto for these women. It’s a credo. My guess is they’ll be looking pretty well-fortified this Saturday when they take on Vanderbilt in the Sweet 16! Three cheers, ladies! And thanks again for dinner.