Archive for March 11th, 2009


I can’t wait for Maryland to beat N.C. State so we can all get our hopes up again for no reason

I can just feel it coming.  Terps are gonna come out fired up on Thursday and will play like gangbusters in the first half.  Then, N.C. State’s gonna make it close for a hot minute in the second half, until Vasquez and Some Other Player To Be Determined (I’m guessing Adrian Bowie) help the Terps pull away for good.  Maryland 78, N.C. State 68.

Then the real excitement starts.  “The Terps can still make the tournament!  They looked soooo awesome against N.C. State omg best game ever we’ve recaptured the magic they can totally still make it omg!”  After throwing up a 26-8-6, Vasquez will talk to reporters for two hours about how this team has tremendous heart and will never give up, and where are all the haters now, and nobody understands how hard he works, and he loves being the underdog and the bad guy, and Wake Forest better watch out.  Everyone will talk about how crisp the Terps’ offense looked, how stifling their defense, how great their hustle, how heroic their hearts and noble their fighting spirit. Then everyone will throw a huge collective “Terps Beating Wake And Getting Into the Tournament Party” at Comcast Center and a multitude of satellite locations.  In Gary We Trust! Vasquez I love you! ❤ ❤ ❤

Then, to the surprise of a surprising number of people, in the next round, against a rested Wake team, Maryland’s dream will come crashing down. The Terp post players will remember they’re overmatched. The role players will sink back into their shells. Gary will bust capillaries in his eyes from screaming as the players check out girls in the stands. And everyone will realize, once again, that Vasquez has probably just seen Scarface too many times.  He’s not the bad guy–not the Tony Montana kind of bad guy anyway.  He’ll shoot 8-39, lead the rest of the Terps in a final collective midcourt bowel releasing, and skip the postgame news conference.  Wake 82, Maryland 74.  Mark it down. NIT, here we come.

See, this is good.  Because now I’m in a no-lose situation.  See what I did there?  If the Terps lose to Wake, I get to act all smug like I actually know what I’m talking about.  If the Terps beat Wake, well, the Terps beat Wake, and I was totally wrong but who cares because I wanted to be wrong from the start anyway because obviously I wanted the victory.  Although, if the Terps lose to N.C. State, well, nobody wins.  Unless, of course, you count N.C. State.  Which I do not. So yeah…go Terps.


Maryland Wrestling Team Just Doesn’t Want You to Hate It


Slim chance of that, after the Terps wrestlers won the 2009 ACC Championship over the weekend. Woo-hoo! Duke finished last, by the way. Those ninnies are lucky they have basketball to save their athletic department from total ignominy. 

Brendan Byrne, Steven Bell, and Alex Krom all won individual conference titles for the Terps as well. I didn’t see any of the matches, and know nothing about college wrestling, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they won with a sunset flip, a big splash off the top rope, and a chair to the opponent’s head after the referee got knocked out. Respectively. And you know what else? These guys are all juniors. I hope they don’t leave early for the pros.

One last redemption.  I'm just going to assume the championships went down like this.  I'm comfortable with that assumption.

One last redemption. I'm just going to assume the championships went down like this. I'm comfortable with that assumption.

On a serious note, given the exploding popularity of MMA leagues like the UFC, I wonder if any of these guys are interested in pursuing a career in that area. Lots of top UFC guys wrestled in college — Brock Lesnar, Chuck Liddell, Randy Couture, Shane Carwin, Josh Koshchek, just to name a few — so it seems to be a prime entry point into the sport. Someone who is less lazy (and, you know, employed) than me should look into that.

All in all, four Maryland wrestlers qualified for the NCAA Wrestling Championships, which happen March 19-21 in St. Louis. And not St. Louis, Missouri, either. Wrestling hotbed St. Louis. Congratulations guys, good luck, and Go Terps!


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March 2009