A healing preview: A Maryland-Miami analysis from motivational TV host Stuart Smalley

jordansnlI’m going to do a terrific blog post today.  And I’m going to help people.  Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and — doggone it! — people like me.

Hello.  I’m Stuart Smalley.  And I’m really glad to be here today, because I know a lot of you Terps are hurting right now.  I don’t know much about bouncing balls around, but Shell Games asked me to write this special post, and you know what?   I decided to take a risk.  Because, as we know, a lot of times, you have to take a risk in life.  Right?   So here I am, ready to give you all a little pep speech.  Speech?  A pep speech?   Yes.

The Terps have been losing, yes. And they’re are feeling a little “lost” inside as well.  A little vulnerable.  But that’s…okay.  We all feel vulnerable sometimes. Like me, during my last show, when I forgot my guest’s name and had a panic attack?  I felt very vulnerable then.  And that’s probably why I vomited all those times.  But that’s…okay!   Before others can forgive, we must forgive ourselves.

Now, I want to speak to the Terps who are feeling extra fragile right now.  I’ll just call him Gary W.  And Greivis V.   And Eric H.  And Braxton D.  And Big Dave N.   I know you all really want to win tomorrow against Miami.  I can imagine you lying awake in your beds tonight thinking, “I’m not good enough…everybody hates me…I’m not going to score any goals…I have no business being here.”

But guys, remember that’s just your critical self talking.  Don’t listen to that little grumpy man inside you!  All you need is a checkup…from “the neck up” (brain).  We can talk all day about how Miami can’t do anything but shoot threes, how they can’t guard anyone, how they’re on a losing streak of their own, and everything else.  But all you really need is a Daily Affirmation.

So here we go.  Ready?  I want you to look into your computer screen there.  Just look into it.  Can you see your face?  Good.  Pretend you’re looking into a mirror.  And say “You know, I don’t have to be a great sports player.  I don’t have to dribble the ball fast, or throw the ball into the baskets.  Because all I have to do is be the best person I can be. Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”

If you’re out there tomorrow, and one of the Miami guys tries to tell you you’re not a very good basketball player, or that you’re overweight, or that you’re a failure, just remember our affirmation. You march right up to him and you tell him that his words can’t hurt you!   Tell him, I’m a beautiful, radiant person!   And even if I don’t win here today, I’m still loved, and I’m the best person I can be.  And no one , not anyone, can take that away.  So you’ll always have that, Terps!   You’ll always have that.  Now get out there and kick it out of the park.  Yaaaaay!

Prediction:  Maryland 67, Miami 62


1 Response to “A healing preview: A Maryland-Miami analysis from motivational TV host Stuart Smalley”

  1. January 30, 2009 at 4:27 pm

    That’s right guys, stop thinking about how you should have taken Morgan State more seriously, or you should have kept passed out of the trap against Duke. You’re should-ing all over yourself. That’s just stinkin’ thinkin!

    And if that mean old Gary Williams yells at you too much this Saturday, you can join me at the next Children of Rageaholic Parents Anonymous meeting. It’s a safe place for people like us.

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