14
Jan
09

kirk lazarus previews maryland’s road trip to florida: tropic thunder in miami

Kirk Lazarus never breaks character.

Kirk Lazarus never breaks character.

Shell Games had the honor and privilage to sit down with 6-time Crying Monkey Award Winner, and star of Tropic Thunder, Kirk Lazarus to discuss Maryland’s upcoming road trip to the tropical climates of Florida.  Kirk shared his thoughts on acting and Maryland’s upcoming basketball game against Miami.

SG: Kirk, your talent for method acting is unsurpassed.  In fact, there are rumors that you still have not broken from your Tropic Thunder persona.  How do you address those rumors?

KL: I know who I am. I’m a dude playin’ a dude, disguised as another dude!

SG: Right.  Now on to your thoughts about Maryland vs. Miami.  The Terps have had a turbulent week in College Park, headlined by Greivis Vasquez’s public expression of displeasure with the home fans.  If you were playing Vasquez, what would you say the fans at Miami?

KL: If I were an actor playing Vasquez in that role, I’d take a bunch of shots right in front of the Miami student section and yell, “Here’s my muthafuckin farm!  I’m a lead farmer muthafucka!”

SG: Interesting.  There was a report today in Terrapins Insider that Miami’s back-up point guard, Eddie Rios, is suspended indefinately.  Prevailing wisdom is that Miami may not have the depth at guard to stay fresh against a prolonged full-court press by the Terps.  Hypothetically speaking, if you were an actor playing Eric Hayes, what would you say to Rios’s replacement?

KL: I’d take the ball right at ’em and say, “Cover me, you limp dick fuckups!” Then I’d look back at that fool and be like, “You more shredded than a Julienne salad, man.”

SG: Yes, yes, that is increidble insight into Hayes’s character.  You people are so good at finding the emotional depth of your subjects.

KL: What do you mean, “you people?”

SG: I meant actors…

KL: Huh?!

SG: Kirk, you seem pretty optimistic about the Terps chances against Miami tonight.  Do you have any advice on how Maryland should game plan for a Miami team that is focusing on an inside-outside approach on the offensive side?

KL:  I don’t read the script. The script reads me.  That’s what I’m sayin here, dig?  Maryland will take it right to the Hurricanes like we took it to the Flaming Dragon in the jungle, and if they do they’ll run out of the jungle with victory on the flip side, just like us.  Terps win, 74-65.

SG: That’s genius. The Terps can win tonight if they keep the full court pressure on and keep running for transition buckets on offense.  You’re right, The Terps need to get right up on Miami on defense and deny them the ball in the post.  You are truly a renaissance man.  Any last thoughts for Maryland fans regarding the game tonight, Kirk?

KL: I’m just like a little boy, playin’ with his dick when he’s nervous.

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