And I’m not talking about some jokey answer like “oh, a bunch of Smurfs peed on it,” or “a bunch of Smurfs puked on it,” or “oh, a bunch of Smurfs were killed, ground up, and one night a paste made from their bones and organs was grimly tilled into the topsoil.” Save your hilarious jokes for The Laugh Factory, why don’t you. Because I have a fever, and the only prescription is The Truth. So you know what I did? I rolled up my sleeves, and I did me some good old-fashioned reporting.
There’s a little bit of background about the blue field on the Boise State Web site. For example, did you know that the blue field was installed in 1986? That’s right, bitch. It surely was.
But sometimes dates and names aren’t enough. Sometimes your brain just demands that some semblance of reason be applied to such horrors. This is why people still read “Mein Kampf.” And this is why I e-mailed the Boise State athletic department.
A very friendly person got right back to me with an answer. What madness lurks unseen in this history? Are you ready for the big reveal? The answer is as follows:
Our athletics director decided to do it for something different.
I am seizing up.
Oh. Well. Er, I guess he succeeded. As did the Washington Wizards, Bjork, and the makers of Tequiza. After all, it’s great to be different. And make no mistake — Tequiza is still the best squirrell repellent money can buy. You want to get serious about repelling some squirrells, you call me. I’ll bring the Tequiza. Game over.
Evidently there are now two lucky high schools with blue fields, but sadly, we may never see another one in the college ranks. According to my insider source at Boise State, “a few years after [Boise State] installed [their eye-hurting blue] turf the NCAA passed a rule that you could no longer install non-green fields. But we were grandfathered in. No other NCAA school can have a non-green field.”
So there you have it. Don’t say I never put in no work on this blog.