Precipitous Preview: A Bye Week Analysis from a Very Special Internet Celebrity

Editor’s Note: Just because it’s a bye week for the football team doesn’t mean we’re taking the week off. And thus, here’s a preview. Why post a preview when there’s nothing to preview? Because fuck it, that’s why. Plus we’re tired of reading about the economy.

The trick is finding someone who is willing to guest-write a preview that does not preview anything. After all the A-through-D-listers said no, we went to the deep end of the celebrity pool. That’s right: The Internet. Who was willing, and available, for this project? Check it out after the jump why don’t you?

Hello everyone! It’s me…you know, Tay Zonday! The famous singer? I want to thank you all for having me today. I even had time to write a special song for you!  And now I just need to ask you one question. Are you ready for me to make it rain? Are you ready for me to make it chocolate rain?!?! All right, guys. Here goes. Feel free to sing along!!!

Chocolate Rain!
Terps stay dry and others feel the pain
Chocolate Rain
A Terp is born but dies at UVA
Chocolate Rain

Bye week means they only beat themselves
Chocolate Rain
The Cavs loss makes you wonder where it went
Chocolate Rain

Build a tent and say that Ralph is safe
Chocolate Rain
Zoom the camera out and see the lie
Chocolate Rain

Take a nap before you plan for Wake
Chocolate Rain
You shat the bed at Middle Tennessee State
Chocolate Rain









Clemson was a victory for you
Chocolate Rain
But good teams have to beat the bad teams too
Chocolate Rain!

Trey Covington can’t tackle his grandmama
Chocolate Rain
But Kevin Barnes will make you lose your lunch
Chocolate Rain

You have to beat Va. Tech to make a bowl
Chocolate Rain
It’s sad then that the Hokies own your souls
Chocolate Rain

[Here’s the chorus]
History quickly crashing through your veins
Chocolate Rain
Bye week’s done and then it’s back to games
Chocolate Rain

Hey, where you guys going? I’ve got 57 more verses. I even made a cake for this occassion. It’s shaped like me — Tay Zonday! Bet you’ll never guess the flavor. Don’t go! Dammit. Maybe I didn’t hammer home the Chocolate Rain part hard enough. But that’s good feedback…an artist must always hone his craft!  Farewell, then, mortals!   Look for my follow-up single in stores any time now.


3 Responses to “Precipitous Preview: A Bye Week Analysis from a Very Special Internet Celebrity”

  1. 1 terphed
    October 11, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    What’s next, the Star Wars Kid does our Emerald Bowl preview? This is low budget, man.

  2. 2 M.A.S.H.
    October 12, 2008 at 4:23 am

    Uh. Did you not get the joke?

  3. April 19, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    Definitely believe that which you said. Your favorite
    reason seemed to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of.
    I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

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October 2008
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