With the football team resting its eyes over the bye week, let’s check in with all those Terps doing us proud at the next level. Or, they would be, if almost every single one of them wasn’t injured.
First of all, of course, there’s Shawne Merriman, who tore a bunch of ligaments in his knee and tried to play anyway before quickly realizing that ligaments are important. I admire his grit, it’s a man-size thing to try and do, but you can’t just rub dirt on torn ligaments and will yourself into playing. Trust me, I know. For starters, ligaments are underneath skin and bone. And it’s just plain difficult to get dirt to penetrate that deeply. You really have to come up with a novel delivery system.
But the injured list doesn’t stop there. Observe these morose rolls, so that you may never forget the terrible toll that we can exact on a man in our lust for something greater than ourselves:
- Vikings linebacker and former Terp tackling machine E.J. Henderson, lost for the season after dislocating a bunch of toes. That’s disgusting.
- Patriots RB Lamont Jordan rolled an ankle Sunday, although Patriots fountainhead of sincerity Bill Belichick said “he’s a quick healer.” (And by “he’s a quick healer,” he means “Maroney is garbage, so Lamont is playing with a brain aneurysm if I ask him to.”)
- Jets DT Kris Jenkins has a back. Er, injury.
- Redskins OL Stephon Heyer has an injured shoulder.
- TE-turned-offensive tackle (isn’t it usually the other way around?) Matt “Murph!” Murphy, out indefinitely with a partially torn rotator cuff.
- Vikings safety Madieu Williams is still recovering (thankfully) from a neck injury.
This is a lot to handle, I know. And if it doesn’t affect you, you’re not human. But hey, if nothing else, we’ll always have Adam Podlesh, still alive and kicking punting, keeping the Terp flame alive in the NFL. A special Shell Games salute to you, Adam Podlesh — The Toughest Terp By Default Of Them All.