Ahoy and Preview the Mizzenmast: A Maryland-Eastern Michigan Analysis from Blackbeard the Pirate

Yaarrrrr, me mateys!  It be I…Blackbeard the pirate.  As ye hornswagglers mayn’t have been told, today, to be honorin’ Talk Like A Pirate Day, I be writin’ this guest blog tale on the fateful struggle between Eagle and Terrapin — a bout I have seen play out many a time on the shores of many a deserted isle. So this day, I blog!  And on the morrow, back with me to the high seas. Thus, dutifully lend me your ears, me hearties, and let none o’ ye doubt me words, lest ye taste the broad side of me saber upon yer noggin and find yerself adrift upon a hogshead. Yarrrrr.

Avast! Just last week, the Terrapins keel-hauled the Bears of Cal, but methinks they have grown fat and happy, slakin’ their thirstins’ with rum and many a stout wench from the port o’ New Jersey. Their addled brains might be ripe for the pluckin’…they lost once before when they weren’t made sharp and hungry for battle…and methinks it can happen again. Their plans for their prime runner, Da’rel Scott, be a mystery for now, so on the morrow we see if Davin Meggett and Chris Turner and the rest o’ the band o’ Terps comport themselves in accordance with the code of honor, and nay show up like to hangin’ poxy dogs.

Considerin’ the other side, the Eagles be remindin’ me o’ the Tahitian Navy. They ain’t been puttin’ up too much of a fight as of late. They lost 42-10 to Michigan State. They lost 41-17 to Toledo. And they ain’t had a winnin’ season since 1995. Shiver me timbers! In a turn methinks Terrapin fans might be recognizin’, Eagles Captain Andy Schmitt showed his addled belly to the Toledans a week ago, and thar be word now he be crippled with a wound, although the veracity of the thing may be suspect. Eagles, heed this word of advice to ye: Dead men tell no tales.

In the end, I see the Terrapins winnin’ the day if they come girded for the battle. These Eagles seem not made from hearty stuff. Bilge munkies, they be! And they should soon enough find themselves feedin’ the fish at the bottom of Davy Jones’ Locker.

Prediction: Maryland 45, Eastern Michigan 13


15 Responses to “Ahoy and Preview the Mizzenmast: A Maryland-Eastern Michigan Analysis from Blackbeard the Pirate”

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