Tools>Options>Previews: A Maryland-Cal Analysis from two anthropomorphic computers

Mac: Hello, I’m a Mac.

PC:  And I’m a PC.

Mac:  Hey, PC, what are you, uhhh, up to there?

PC:  Writing out my preview for the Cal-Maryland game.  It’s PC stuff…you wouldn’t understand.

Mac:  Oh, yeah?  Well, maybe I could help you out or something.  You know, I’ve got all kinds of graphics software, flow charts, spreadsheets, whatever you need.  And it’s all really easy to do, so…

PC:  So what, PC?  Finish your sentences. So WHAT? Spit it out!  You’re so passive aggressive that it makes me want to crap myself in sheer frustration.

Mac:  Whoa, whoa, hey, PC.  Still feeling the bite over the Vista fallout, huh?  Sorry to hear that.

PC:  See?  There you go again.  You’re just like my mother.  Pretty soon you’re going to be telling me that I would be very handsome if I just exercised a little more.

Mac:  Mothers have a lot to teach us sometimes, PC.

PC:  OH MY GOD.  I’m going to sink my fingernails into your neck!  I’m going to rip that ridiculous wispy mustache right off your lip.

Mac:  So who do you think will win the game this Saturday?

PC:  Well, according to my research, Maryland has a Rimington Trophy finalist in center Edwin Williams.  Great centers don’t grow on trees now, Mac.

Mac:  No, that’s right, PC, they sure don’t.

PC:  And did you know their place kicker’s name is Obi Egekeze?

Mac: Is that so?

PC: It is. But the good part is, if you squint really hard at the name, it almost looks like Obinna Ekezie.

Mac: Oh, now he was good.

PC: Darn tootin.

Mac: Well, that’s all terrific, PC. Great points. So just to piggyback onto everything you just mentioned, here’s something I came across…not sure if it helps you or not. What I noticed is that everyone’s keying on Jahvid Best and that prolific offense, and rightfully so — they rank seventh nationally in scoring offense and 23rd in total offense.

PC: Yawn! That’s old news, buddy boy.

Mac: Yeah, but they’re also pretty stacked on the other side of the ball, actually. Defensively, Cal is tied for second in the country with five interceptions, tied for 17th in defensive third-down efficiency, and tied for 19th in rushing defense, allowing only 69 yards a game.

PC: Well, guh, fine, Mac. I suppose those are, um, passable statistics. But what about Edwin Williams?

Mac: Oh, right, yeah, that was a great point, PC. Rimington Trophy, absolutely.

PC: I hate you so much.

Mac: So…final prediction, PC?

PC: Well, in light of everything that I have unearthed, and knew already, ahem, I did some calculations and can safely predict Cal in a romp. 200 to nothing.

Mac: Wow! Interesting pick, PC. Personally, I think that given Maryland’s history of playing to the level of their competition, combined with the fact that they were utterly shamed last week by Middle Tennesee, they’re going to come out at Byrd Stadium ready to scrap. They’re ultimately outclassed by Cal, but I think they’ll make it pretty close. Final prediction: Cal 27, Terps 20. See, there are psychlogical factors that are important, too. Were you, uhhhh, able to take those into your calculations, PC?

PC: I banish you, Mac. You are banished.

2 Responses to “Tools>Options>Previews: A Maryland-Cal Analysis from two anthropomorphic computers”

  1. 1 terphed
    September 12, 2008 at 2:34 pm

    Cal gets two early scores and grinds us out on the ground. Maryland beats the spread (at 14.5 right now), but Cal wins 30-17.

  2. 2 M.A.S.H.
    September 12, 2008 at 3:35 pm

    I’m really feeling a close one…I think Maryland plays an inspired game, but falls short on talent. I definitely agree on the grinding out part…it will be close points-wise, but there won’t be any actual tension toward the end.

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