Archive for September, 2008


Men’s soccer loses to defending champs, coach all like “how YOU doin’?”

The Terp men’s soccer team is no joke, but Wake is a juggernaut. They’re like the Megan Fox to the rest of the actresses. Utter domination. So that’s why it was so huge when they came to the CP last weekend to clash with the #2 Terps. Maryland made it close, but the Deeks were too much,.

Maryland soccer coach Joey Tribbiani attempts to seduce another opponent.

The game was even on TV (Fox Soccer Net), so that’s exciting. Is there a serious market for college soccer? In any case, imagine the ratings bonanza if these two hooked up again in the postseason…upon the pitch of battle. Goterps.


maryland pulls the stunner in death valley

It was a tale of two halves. In the first half, Clemson seemed to move the ball at will.  As predicted, CJ Spiller showed-up to play and was running all over Maryland’s defense.  Despite getting two turnovers which resulted in great field position, the offense stalled due to penalties and the Terps could not get the ball into the endzone.  Maryland trailed 17-6 at halftime.  In the locker room, coach Ralph Friedgen told his team, “We’re going to find out what kind of team we are in the second half.”  The second half revealed the Terps to be winners.

The Terps were trailing 17-6 with nine minutes left in the third quarter when Darrius Heyward-Bey broke a 75-yard run on a reverse. Heyward-Bey showed his world class sprinting speed by blowing past the Clemson secondary.  That led to a 6-yard TD pass to Torrey Smith, and gave the Terps momentum.  They never gave it back.

Chris Turner showed that he could put the ball in tight spots and third-and-longs.  On a day where the running game never got going, the Terps put the game in Turner’s hands and he responded with consistency. Turner hit six different receivers, including four completions to red shirt freshman Ronnie Tyler.  Tyler showed sure hands in crucial spots.  Look for him to become a bigger part of this offense as the season progresses.

In the end, the credit for this win goes to Maryland’s defense. The two first half turnovers kept Clemson from running away with it early. Alex Wujciak had sixteen tackles and led a second half defensive attack that held the Tigers scoreless. In the second half, the D did a great job of containing Clemson’s speedy running backs and keeping them inside the tackles.  It seemed that every time Clemson completed a pass there was a Maryland defender right there to put a hit on and limit the damage.  The effort culminated in a crucial fourth quarter, fourth down stop that all but iced the game for the Terps.

This is a great start to ACC play.  Clemson is in the Atlantic Conference with the Terps, and this win puts the Terps on the right track to getting Tampa.  Coming into the game the Terps had received eight votes in the USA Today poll.  After two wins against top-25 teams, is it premature to say this team should be ranked? Fresno State is ranked and they haven’t beaten anyone good.  Am I getting carried away? Maybe, but I don’t care after a solid road win like this one.



A Preview You Can Hang Your Hat on: A Maryland-Clemson Analysis from screen legend Wilford Brimley

Okay, let’s get one thing straight here, right off the bat.  I’m a no-nonsense kind of person. You got that?  There are only three things I give two hoots about in this world:  family, oats, and diyabeetus.  Not necessarily in that order.  So when I tell you something, you can believe it.  Why?  Whiskbroom mustache. That’s why. It’s forthright earnestness in hair form.

So let’s cut the barley buck and get down to brass horse tacks, ladies and gents. Maryland plays #20 Clemson this week. Second in the ACC in scoring offense. Led by quarterback Cullen Harper, tailback C.J. Spiller, and future NFL receiver Aaron Kelly. It’s a tall order for your Terps, boys and girls.  Because you see, the Terps have a pretty poor secondary.  Five defensive backs on the injury list. They’ve got Kevin Barnes and then who?  I ask you. Kevin Barnes and then who?  Maryland ranks 109th nationally in passing yards allowed. Eastern Michigan got 282 against them, and for one of those quarters, it was me quarterbackin’ out there.  Wouldn’t you know?  I’m a regular Jay Cutler.  Sure, the linebackers could help cover the receivers, but then who stops the run or pressures the QB?  The linemen? Don’t make me chortle through the whiskbroom, son.

But now let me tell you another story.  The story of Maryland.  Second in the ACC in rushing.  Remember a young fella, name of Da’rel Scott, ACC’s top running back?  Well, he’s probable to play this week.  Clemson gives up 113.5 rush yards a game. Now, I’m a simple man, but it doesn’t take an arithmetician to see that this discrepancy, plus some fearless play calls, plus the fact that Clemson seems to be trying a little too hard not to overlook you, perhaps equals a little advantage for the Terps down there in Death Valley.

Now, make no mistake. Death Valley is tough. Tougher than my old Aunt Sally. And if you knew that woman the way I did, you’d know what kinda toughness I’m talkin’ about. That kind of toughness wakes you up in a cold sweat, leathery hand on your gullet, shotgun leveled between your eyes, demanding you tell it where you hid the laudanum. You’re nigh on to nine corn crops old, gropin’ around for your little glasses and your little diyabeetus medications.  I can still feel the warm urine as it soaks my long johns.  What a vivid flashback I’m having right now.  I can even smell it.

But you know something? Come in a little bit closer. I think the Terps are gonna pull off the upset. Just this morning I was bouncing my little granddaughter in my lap, and as I did so, my knee dislocated in the way it does only when a change is comin’ on the wind.  Maryland’s on a bit of a roll, and Clemson is banged up and hasn’t beaten anyone good yet.  I’ve got a feeling here.  Call it a gut feeling. And when Wilford Brimley feels something in his gut, he sticks with it.  Got that?  Off you go then.

Prediction: Maryland 27, Clemson 24


friedgen warns of ‘long and painful season’

Football head coach Ralph Friedgen said that Maryland was facing an “serious football crisis” against Clemson and risked a “long and painful season” if the team failed to follow his administration’s game plan this weekend.

In an address to his players yesterday, the coach said he had invited captains from both the offense and the defense to his office at Byrd Stadium on Thursday in a bid to break open their deadlocked potential.

Da’Rel Scott and Jeremy Navarre, leaders from both sides of the ball, issued a joint statement urging the offense and defense to work together to prevent a “on-field catastrophe”.  They said that Friedgen’s game plan was “flawed”, but agreed action was necessary.  “This is a time to rise above individual achievement for the good of the team,” they said.

Navarre sprung a surprise earlier on Wednesday by vowing to suspend practicing and return to Byrd Stadium to help pull the team together, amid deep unease in College Park over the match-up with #20 Clemson, a 14-point favorite.

The offense and defense alike have so far resisted demands for blind acceptance of Friedgen’s game plan and are pushing for more audibles to be included.  The team’s equipment manager told Shell Games that the offense and defense were inching closer to a compromise, with key assistant coaches and team leaders to meet on Friday to put the finishing touches on a bipartisan approach to the playbook.


Juan’s a Juizard

Good news this morning, as the Washington Wizards announced they’ve signed Juan Dixon, the greatest Terp to ever wear the uniform. Welcome home, Juan!

The one-year, $1.03 million deal (a.k.a., the absolute minimum an NBA veteran can make) comes after Dixon, a Baltimore native, was initially drafted by the Wizards, then had stints in Toronto, Portland, and Detroit. If the Wizards hadn’t signed him, he was probably on his way out of the league.

The move is unquestionably designed to put some extra Terps hindquarters in Verizon Center seats this season — it’s a move Susan O’Malley would have been proud of (although that’s not necessarily a compliment). But the move isn’t just cheap cosmetics. With Gilbert Arenas out until God knows when, this gives the Wiz some instant scoring off the bench from the guard position. So he’s undersized. So what? You bring him off the bench, he hits two threes, he swings the momentum, he sits back down. He’s Vinny “The Microwave” Johnson. Who doesn’t need a guy like that?

Juan and his wife are heading back to D.C.

But in any case, I’m just happy to see Juan still in an NBA uniform, and for the hometown team no less. It’s good to have him back.

(Top photo from the Washington Post)


They ain’t 12 pizzer toppins’, Papa John’s

Lookie what arrived in my inbox this morning.  Apparently Papa John’s gives out a free topping for every touchdown scored in the Maryland game from the previous weekend.  And if they win, the toppings double. So after winning 51-24, well…er, that’s a lot of math. 


It’s Terrapin Tuesday! Every Tuesday following each Maryland football game Papa John’s, the official pizza partner of Maryland Athletics, is offering a free topping for every touchdown scored on a large $9.99 cheese pizza. When the Terps win, the toppings double! This past weekend, Maryland scored six touchdowns in their 51-24 victory over the Eastern Michigan Eagles. That means you get Twelve (12) FREE TOPPINGS on a LARGE $9.99 cheese pizza! Visit to find the location nearest you and order your large $9.99 12-topping pizza today!

Good God…twelve toppings?  I’d like my pizza to have pepperoni, double cheese, black olives, sausage, onions, tomatoes, green olives, er, sauce, did I say double cheese already?  Well, then triple it, bitch!  I can’t believe Papa John’s doesn’t offer shitaki mushrooms yet.  I only eat shitakis.  Way to know your clientele, guys.  I want to know what happens if they lose and don’t score.  You probably get a free breadstick…up your ass! Yes.


Women’s soccer team puts up touchdown, field goal in win

So as chronicled before, the Terp ladies soccer team was supposed to have scoring issues this season. At least, that’s what all the haters said. (I said it, too, but I’m no hater…I’m just a guy who’s not afraid to ask honest questions. HUGE difference.) But in any case, where are all the haters now? Surely they are weeping in the bushes, is where they are, after the Terps set a new scoring record over the weekend by beating Mount St. Mary’s 10-0. The haters may ask if it was against a tough opponent. I shake my head at them. Some people will never get it. I just hope God forgives them. Sometimes that’s all you can hope for. ACC schedule starts now…goterps.


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September 2008